Future Fallout
by Katnz17
Summary: "I wish I was past this." Jude learns to be careful what you wish for when she finds herself catipulted into the future. At 24 she has everthing she ever wanted: fame, success and most importantly Tommy Quincy. But as she tries to piece together the pieces of her future world she just keeps finding fractures. What do you do when everything you ever wanted isn't what it seemed?
1. Chapter 1

So the torture that was Second Chances is complete (sort of) and I was all set to bid farewell to the Instant Star universe. Only the thought of it broke my heart. There were mornings when I'd wake up, groan at the thought of another day then remember I posted a new chapter the previous night and that your comments would be waiting for me. That would be the inspiration that got me out of bed. I feel like I've grown so much as a writer thanks to this fan fiction community and all of your support.

So this is my last stupid attempt at holding on to this little world. As I've already mentioned Second Chances was torture for anyone who suffered through the prolonged writing period of that story. It was never a story I was passionate about or particularly wanted to write and then there was the craziness that is my life today, all combining to make what should have been a simple story take years to complete.

I can't promise this story will be any different. I actually started writing it shortly after Instant Star finished but told myself to stop, that I needed to focus on original stories, on that all elusive 'first novel'. So it got shelved after two chapters. When I started it the May 2013 mentioned in the first chapter seemed light years away, and now it's only months.

But I've always wondered how this ended. And the only way to find that out is to write it. So I'm going to try. I can't promise it will be completed. But if you want to bear with me on it I'd love for you to come along for the ride, for one last dose of your comments helping me get out of bed in the morning. Because believe me, I really need something to help me with that at the moment…

**Part 1**

Jude stepped off the make shift stage of the Black Jaguar club, amidst the lackluster clapping and chatter of the clubs patrons. Ignoring the SME boys bored expressions she bypassed the one or two fans moving toward her for her autograph and ducked into her dressing room.

The first time Tommy had suggested a clubs tour she'd been able to see the wisdom of it. She was young and green and a stadium tour was too much for her. But at the time it had been a possibility, at the time it had been an opportunity and now she feared that dream must have passed her by.

Her second album had feared poorly in the charts. The only tour she'd been able to win was a lame one month tour of the few clubs and bars that had been willing to take her on. It seemed lately the name Jude Harrison was classed in there with Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken; so the buzz for five seconds and before you knew it featured on a 'Where are they now?' special on Vh1

And the worst thing about it? She knew it was her fault. Something was holding her back, preventing from putting her all into her music and it suffered as a result.

Did she really want her music to go down in history as half hearted pop/rock? Did she really want to be that girl?

There was a light tap on the door, a familiar tune she could never place and despite herself that school girl crush smile slid into place as she turned to see Tommy walk in.

"You did great girl," he said in a soft husky voice, arms extended to hug her.

"Thanks," she accepted the hug then pulled back early, turning to the mirror, "but I don't really think so. Something's missing." He didn't respond and after a few seconds she turned to glare at him. "This is the part where you're supposed to argue."

He winced slightly, "I would but the truth is, you're right."

Criticism is always so much worse when you're the one who started it. Perhaps because you walk into it with eyes wide open and knowing it's true. There are no protective blinkers.

"Well tell me what it is so I can fix it."

"I can't do that," he shrugged, "that's something you've gotta figure out for yourself."

He must have picked up on the change in atmosphere in the room because a few moments later he excused himself and left. Jude sat down in front of the mirror, leaning her elbows on the makeshift table that compromised as a dresser and propped her chin up on her hands. She gazed at the fear filled eyes in the mirror, searching their depths for the secrets of her own soul, for her identity. Finally, she let her head droop and drop to the tabletop.

"I wish I was past this," she murmured to herself with a groan, "I wish my music was good, I wish I was confident, I wish Tommy wanted me and I wish that I wasn't so damn scared all the time."

| | |

Jude frowned as she slowly lifted her head, sleep still making her eyes heavy as they struggled to fully open. There was a sharp pain in her neck from the angle she'd slept on and her leg had fallen asleep. She cringed at the thought of the crappy dressing room with it's stained white walls and flickering fluorescent lighting but when she finally looked up it wasn't the room she saw.

She was in a bedroom, in front of a gorgeous oak dressing table. To her left was a double canopy bed and beyond that was a window seat looking out to a green garden. The room was painted a soothing lime green and a bedside lamp cast a warm glow in the late afternoon light.

"Jude, honey are you ready yet?" she spun around to see the door open and Tommy's head appear. His face fell, "You're not even dressed yet. We've got to be there in half an hour."

She frowned, lifting a hand to her head then frowning at the corkscrew curls she found there. "Be where?" she asked, tongue still partially paralyzed from sleep.

"The party at G-Major, the one they're throwing to celebrate the launch of your new world tour tomorrow, remember?" He rolled his eyes and stepped into the room. With quick steps he marched over to the closet she hadn't noticed behind the door and threw it open. After rifling through the clothes for a few moments he pulled out a green satin dress. "Here, wear this, it goes great with your eyes. I'm going to go call and tell them we'll be a little late," and with that he was gone.

Jude eyed the dress on the bed then once again her eyes circled the room. She turned back to the dresser in front of her. A laptop was perched on the edge, the screen open but idle from inactivity, just peering out from behind it was a framed picture she hadn't noticed before. She leaned forward and picked it up to look at it closer, then practically held it to her eyeball to make sure she wasn't seeing things. Perhaps it was photo shopped? The picture was of her and Tommy standing by a willow tree. He was in a suit and she was wearing… a wedding dress?

Wait, hold the train? What the…

The frame slipped from her hand and crashed to the white carpet floor. Her eyes lifted to the mirror in front of her, for the first time actually looking into it and seeing her reflection. A woman stared back at her. Not a thin eighteen year old girl but an elegant full bodied woman in her twenties. Her hair was a soft auburn with highlights and beautifully curled into elegant ringlets. Her face was fuller, wiser and older. She lifted her left hand to run it along her cheek and up to her hair as she gazed at herself in wonder. Something on her hand sparkled and she twisted it around and held it in front of her face only to stare blankly at the large diamond ring sitting boldly on her ring finger.

"Oh my," she stood up, backing away from the mirror quickly which caused her chair to crash to the ground.

What was happening? Where was she?

She spun around, searching out the door then rushed into the hallway. She needed a calendar, a computer, a Wizard of Oz or something really strong that could pinch her and wake up her up from all of this. She turned into the first closed door on her left. The room was dominated by an empty white babies cot, the walls where a soft pink and decorated with cartoon balloons. Soft toys were scattered everywhere and every surface was covered with thick layers of dust.

"Oh my God," she turned and rushed out of the room, closing the door behind her quickly. Something about it made her blood run cold. It's atmosphere was suffocating and empty.

She continued to run down the hallway, bypassing a bathroom on her right and then ducking into the next door, what appeared to be an office. She spotted a calendar on the wall by the light switch and moved closer to read the date.

**May 2013**

"Jude, where are you?" Tommy's frustrated voice called down the corridor.

Jude clutched her hand to her mouth as she continued to gaze at the calendar. Something freaky was going on and she didn't like it one bit. She backed away until she crashed into a bookshelf, sending books toppling to the floor with a thunderous crash. She sunk to the ground as quick footsteps approached.

"Jude?" Tommy rushed over to her, crouching on the floor in front of her as a put a hand on her shoulder, "are you okay?"

Tears were welling in her eyes, "I think I'm going crazy."

"Come on, lets get you to a chair," he pulled her to her feet, taking most of her weight as she hung limply from his shoulder and they walked back to the bedroom. He lowered her onto the bed, propping the pillows up behind her as she lay there, blinking. "Now what's going on?" he asked as he sat down beside her.

She shook her head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"We've been through a lot together. Try me?"

She opened her mouth to speak as her eyes drifted to the framed photograph on the floor. The girl in the picture looked so happy, her eyes sparkling and her skin glowing as if she possessed all the secrets of the Universe and had found that it was all in fact wonderful. Jude knew if she spoke she would shatter that girl's world, this world, her world and that seemed wrong somehow. It seemed wrong to distance herself from it before she'd even explored it. Hadn't she wished she could escape her life? Hadn't that wish been granted?

She turned back to Tommy and forced a smile, "it's nothing. I, uh, I just had a really bad dream and I hadn't fully woken up. I thought it was real still. It was stupid."

She slid her feet off the bed and onto the soft carpet beneath her. "We should really get to that party."

Tommy sighed, his head dropping and his fingers digging into the blanket before he stood up quickly. "Fine, freeze me out like you always do. What do I care?" He stormed from the room and Jude was left frowning at the reaction.

The satin green dress behind her seemed to shine in the afternoon light and she reached for it, simultaneously reaching for the hope it offered, the glamour, the prestige, the escape.

**Teasers for Part 2**

"Okay, well I'm asking now. Can we drop the attitude?" Jude raised her free hand, palm up into the air and fingers curled, partially a plea and partially a simple 'whatever'.

"That's just so…" Tommy tapped his hand against the armrest of a nearby chair, "_ironic_ coming from you but fine, work is fine. My boss hates me, it's unfulfilling and I miss the person I used to be, that being a musician or a producer used to make me but hey, TV Journalism, some would kill for the job and sometimes I feel like I have."

…

"Ha," the guy snorted, "Gee Tom, is Jude this funny when it's just the two of you?"

"I don't know Matt, what about when it's just the two of you?" The two glared at each other, inching a few feet closer as the tension grew.

"Whoa, whoa!" Jude threw her hands up and pushed in between them, "time out!" She put a hand on Tommy's shoulder and smiled at him sweetly, "you okay?" He shoved her hand away, not once looking at her then turned and walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

"Tommy?" Jude craned around in her seat to look behind them as they passed their turn off, "You missed it."

"I know you miss the old premises but it's been three years already, get over it."

She frowned, sitting back in her seat as she shot a sideways glare at him. She didn't like how coolly Tommy had been treating her. It was strange, this future version of her and Tommy. It was what she'd always wanted and yet she didn't. There was something wrong and unfamiliar about their relationship.

A few minutes later they pulled up in front of a high rise building with reflective glass windows. Jude gulped. This was G-Major? Tommy drove around to an underground garage entrance. Once inside the claustrophobic concrete basement, the kind that always made Jude paranoid about earthquakes, he pulled up at two sliding glass doors.

"You go ahead," he motioned to the door, "I'll park and catch up."

She clutched her purse in her hand nervously as she opened the door. She didn't want to go in alone. "Are you sure? I don't mind waiting."

He looked at her as if she'd just sprouted horns and wings and laughed mockingly, "Uh-huh, sure you don't," he leaned over to pull the door shut behind her and it echoed throughout the floor. Seconds later the car pulled away, leaving her alone in a cloud of exhaust fumes.

Inside the two glass doors where a couple of elevators and with no idea where she was heading, Jude stepped into the left one. The doors whirred shut and she jumped with surprised, feeling trapped suddenly. "Um," she ran a hand through her hair as she eyed the panels. "Which floor? It's a party, right? So they'd throw that in a room suitable for a party? Which would be on the... Oh crap," she closed her eyes and pressed the first floor button. The elevator whirred into life and she felt as if her stomach had been dislodged as it climbed up past the ground floor and onto the first.

It must have been her lucky day because a waiter greeted her at the door. "Mrs. Dutoir," he smiled politely as he took her bag and coat, "right this way." She followed nervously as he led her through the empty gold foyer, decorated with gold and platinum framed CDs, and over to two closed doors. He bowed slightly as he opened the left one and the sound of music, talking and laughter flooded into the previously silent room. "Have a good evening," the waiter nodded politely then turned and left her standing there awkwardly.

Two blonde women flew over to Jude as she walked into the room. "Jude," the tallest of the two crooned, "you look gorgeous but didn't you wear that dress to the Grammys last year?"

"Uh, I-"

"Never mind, that's nothing Tiffany," the shorter of the two interrupted, "have you seen what Marcus' wife is wearing?" she turned around to motion to a borderline plump woman standing next to a black haired man, "it's hideous!"

"Matches her perfectly then," Tiffany giggled.

Jude's eyes widened as she gaped at the vicious woman in horror.

"What's that nickname you gave her last year Jude?" the shorter woman asked, "Horrible Helen or something like that?"

"I never said that," Jude spoke quickly as her mind wondered if that were even true.

"Its nothing on the name you had for Suzanne," Tiffany laughed, "oh that was just classic! Ooh, have you seen Matt tonight? Yum" she elbowed Jude subtly, "I am [i]so[/i] jealous!"

"Shh," the other whispered, her eyes on someone approaching behind Jude, "Husband ahoy."

Jude spun to see Tommy walking over. He looked ridiculously handsome in his dignified suit. Now in his early thirties he actually looked better then in his younger days, "honey?" she called, ignoring the look that passed between the two blondes, "did you find a park okay?" Somehow she knew it was a silly question but she wanted some form of discussion that didn't involve verbally ripping others to shreds.

He gave her another of those 'are you crazy?' looks, "it's fine. Have you seen Darius yet?" she shook her head and he took her arm, nodding coldly to the two blondes dismissively, "Tiffany, Chrystal."

"I honestly do not know why you're friends with them," Tommy hissed as they crossed the room.

Jude shot a glance over her shoulder. Tiffany and Chrystal were leaning close together, whispering and giggling, their eyes obviously on some unwitting victim. "Me neither."

Darius hadn't changed much. He was still bald, still borderline scary and still super successful.

"Hey superstar," he smiled and leaned forward to hug her, "excited about the tour tomorrow?"

"Uh-huh," she nodded, "world tour huh? That's big."

"You're an old pro at it, you'll do fine." He glanced over at Tommy, "So Quincy – no, wait, it's Dutoir now, right? How's work treating you?"

Jude glanced between the two blankly. Tommy didn't work at G-Major any more?

Tommy shrugged but his attitude didn't imply a lacking answer. He seemed confident as he ever so slightly smirked and responded, "Well, it's not the music business but I'm happy."

Darius eyebrows rise ever so slightly. He chuckled though it implied annoyance, "good to know. Well, Jude, enjoy the party. I have mingling to do."

Jude reached for a glass of champagne from a passing waiter then turned to Tommy. She had about a million questions swirling around in her mind but no way to ask them without giving away either her situation or lack of sanity. Maybe they were the same thing…

"How is work, really?" she asked. A band had begun playing and she had to talk a little louder to be heard.

"You know, I think that's the first time you've ever asked me that," he was frowning and his lips were pinched together in that way that always implied he was getting angry.

"Okay, well I'm asking now. Can we drop the attitude?" She raised her free hand, palm up into the air and fingers curled, partially a plea and partially a simple 'whatever'.

"That's just so," he tapped his hand against the armrest of a nearby chair, "_ironic _coming from you but fine, work is fine. My boss hates me, it's unfulfilling and I miss the person I used to be, that being a musician or a producer used to make me but hey, TV Journalism, some would kill for the job and sometimes I feel like I have."

Jude stared at him blankly, blinking rapidly. The glass of champagne suddenly felt heavy, she suddenly felt lightheaded and she was sick of the terrible music that was filling the room. She glanced over her shoulder to see the trio or twenty-something guys playing on stage, if you could really call it that. One was strumming lifelessly on a guitar and producing lifeless music. The drummer was tapping out a light beat that could barely be heard over the keyboardist who actually appeared to be trying to have a little fun with it. They sounded like acoustic back up to Britney Spears and not something G-Major would hire to perform.

She turned back to Tommy, "I'm sorry. I wish you'd told me. Can I help in any way?"

He laughed sarcastically until his eyes fell on something behind her and the laughter dried up. She watched as an icy expression spread across his face then turned to see what had caused it. The guitarist had abandoned his guitar and was crossing the room toward them.

"Jude," he smiled when he reached her, his eyes darting over her body in a way that made her skin crawl, "you ready to join us?"

She glanced from Tommy to him questioningly. "Join you for what?"

"Ha," the guy snorted, "Gee Tom, she this funny when it's just the two of you?"

"I don't know Matt, what about when it's just the two of you?" The two glared at each other, inching a few feet closer as the tension grew.

"Whoa, whoa!" Jude threw her hands up and pushed in between them, "time out!" She put a hand on Tommy's shoulder and smiled at him sweetly, "you okay?" He shoved her hand away, not once looking at her then turned and walked away.

"We really need to get on stage," Matt pointed out, moving a little closer to her then she would have liked. She backed away, accidentally knocking into a person who was walking past and mumbled an apology. Across the room Tiffany and Chrystal were watching her and the memory of their conversation suddenly fell into place. 'I'm so jealous?' She must have meant she was jealous of the fact he was in Jude's band. Right? As waves of nausea rolled of her Jude felt more and more certain it meant something much worse.

"I don't think I can sing," she mumbled, raising a hand to her throat, "I have this slight tickling thing in my throat and I don't want to strain it, before the big tour, you know. Maybe you guys could just play without me?"

She turned to see Darius walking over. "Everything okay?" He asked, "everyone's waiting."

She shook her head, "I'm really not feeling well all of a sudden. I think I need to go home and lie down. I'm really sorry."

What the hell had she been thinking; that like some imposter Cinderella she could just slip on someone else's glass slippers and dance with her husband at some beautiful ball? This wasn't her life or her reality and she had no idea what she was doing.

She turned and quickly moved through the crowd then out of the ballroom.

It was only after she fled the ballroom that Jude realized her newfound predicament. She didn't even know how to get out onto the street, other then via the parking garage and even if she were able to flag a taxi she didn't know her own address. She raced into the foyer, barely remembering to stop and allow the waiter to retrieve her coat and purse before darting into an elevator and heading to the underground floor. She raced out into the garage, pausing in the middle of the concrete cave as nothing but silence fell on her ears.

She raised a hand to her head as she stepped out into the middle of the road and looked around her for any car that resembled the one Tommy had driven. She was still standing there in the center of the road when a car engine roared to life and she turned to find herself blinded by two approaching car lights. She raised a hand to her eyes to shield herself and only then was she able to recognize the distinct pale green of Tommy's Mercedes.

For a moment she stood like a small woodland animal caught in the headlights, cowering before an unknown beast that could certainly plow her down. Then suddenly the lights were dimmed and she was able to lower her hand.

She could see into the cars exterior now. Tommy stared at her, his face expressionless. Her hands dropped to her side, the purse hanging from one limply as she forced a defeated lopsided smile and shrugged her shoulders. To her surprise he actually smiled in amusement at the situation and motioned for her to get in the passenger side. She walked around and opened the door, slowly sliding in next to him.

"You ditched your party?" he asked, stating the obvious as he put the car in drive and they left the garage, swooping up into the city.

"I don't think it was really my party," she shrugged, "I don't think I really know who I am anymore."

He glanced over at her, surprised, "You've never been more successful. You got everything you wanted."

She smiled at him and leaned over to place her hand on his, "I got you."

She felt him stiffen at her touch, his eyes fixed on the road. She let her hand slide away then placed it on her knee for lack of a better location. She glanced out the window at the passing skyscrapers. "What happened to us?" she asked softly.

"I'm not sure if I'm really the one who can answer that."

**Teasers for Part 3**

"I could make time," she smiled. "I mean, I am a rockstar. I could just throw a tantrum if anyone argued right?"

He tossed the paper down on the table and stood. "You've already thrown about five this week. You might not want to push it any further." He rinsed his glass in the sink and picked up a briefcase that had been beside his seat.

CindyLu99 who wanted to know about the Demi Lovato fued and who really did throw the first punch.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry, life went crazy for awhile there and I didn't even have time to think about this story. This is the first new material I've written for it in years and it's a bit of a filler chapter, sorry. Nothing to exciting. I'm still getting back in the swing of the story and figuring out where on earth it's supposed to go. As usual comments are appreciated. I'd like to know your theories on the Matt thing. Is Jude capable of cheating?

**Part 3**

Jude awoke to the sound of birds and the hum of a distant lawnmower. A thin shaft of light shone from between the curtains, casting a path across the empty bed beside her. Yawning, she stretched her arms above her head, then let one drift across to the space beside her. A small smile played on her lips as she reached for the pillow and hugged it to her chest, expecting to find Tommy's scent. All that met her was the soft scent of soap that always accompanied fresh sheets.

She lay back, replaying the events of the previous night. Tommy had dropped her off at the door and gone to park the car in the large five car garage. She'd gone inside and made them a hot drink in the spacious kitchen. It had taken awhile to find things. The cupboards were stocked with enough food to survive a zombie apocalypse. She'd sat the marble island sipping her tea while Tommy's cup sat across from her, steam drifting up into the air. The clock ticked on the wall but the sound of the door opening never came.

Eventually she'd walked up the stairs. Her feet felt heavy and she wondered if it was time and age. Surely the difference between eighteen and twenty-five wasn't that significant but in a way she felt like an old woman.

She'd brushed her teeth with an unfamiliar tooth brush, applied moisturizer so smooth and delicious she didn't dare glance at the price sticker beneath it, then crawled into the large bed. The darkness of the unknown room wrapped around her and eventually sleep took over.

She'd expected to wake from the dream back in her normal life but alas it wasn't meant to be. She was a woman, in a life she didn't know, in a bed she'd obviously slept in alone.

Jude couldn't help but smile when she walked into the kitchen. Tommy sat at the table in a shirt and tie, a newspaper clasped in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. He looked so domestic, so fifties cliche husband, she found herself blinking a couple of times to ensure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her.

"Good morning," she said into the heavy silence.

He glanced at her briefly. "'Morning."

She poured herself a cup of coffee and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl.

"What's on the agenda for today?" she asked as she sat down across from him.

There was a brief pause as he turned a page in the newspaper and shook it to smooth the crinkles. "The usual."

She nodded to herself and turned away from the newspaper wall in front of her. Across the street a man and woman were embracing in a driveway before getting into their separate cars and driving away. Jude rested her chin on her hand and sighed.

She had no clue what she was supposed to be doing today, if there were meetings or rehearsals.

"Should we, uh, meet up for lunch?" she suggested tentatively.

"I doubt you'll have time."

"I could make time," she smiled. "I mean, I am a rockstar. I could just throw a tantrum if anyone argued right?"

He tossed the paper down on the table and stood. "You've already thrown about five this week. You might not want to push it any further." He rinsed his glass in the sink and picked up a briefcase that had been beside his seat.

"Oh. I guess I was trying to forget about those."

She stood up and hurried to follow him as he headed toward the front door. "I'd just really like to spend some time with you."

He glanced at his watch. "I really have to go Jude. You do whatever you want. You're good at that."

| | |

Not long after Tommy left the phones started ringing. Yes, phones as in the plural.

Jude held her hands over her ears as the landline rang in three different rooms, a cell phone buzzed in her purse hanging by the door and a skype call buzzed from the computer.

Jude chose to answer the cell phone.

"What the hell?" a female voice demanded. "Have you completely forgotten about the live chat?"

"The what?"

"You're doing a skype chat with Vibe Mag right now!"

"I guess that's why the computer is ringing…"

The heavy sigh that followed crackled through the speakers. "Did you get back from the salon late?"

"Salon?"

"Jude, this isn't funny. You got your hair and make-up done, right? This is a live chat, you have to be wearing your new look."

Jude opened her mouth then fought the urge to parrot another question. "Sure, everything is fine. Can you just buy me a few more minutes?"

"I don't believe this." The line went dead, seconds later the computer stopped ringing.

Swearing under her breath Jude ran up the stairs. She found an overflowing make-up bag in the bathroom and quickly set about applying eyeliner and a little blush. She tugged a brush through her hair, wincing in pain as she pulled through numerous tangles. Finally she settled on simply smoothing out the frizz and tugged it all back into a loose ponytail.

She reached the stairs as the computer began to ring once again. She sat down, shook the mouse to wake up the screen and then accepted the call.

"Um, hi, is this working?" she asked, leaning toward the screen.

A perky young girl sat in front of her and in the corner of the screen Jude could see a blurry version of herself.

"Hi Jude!" The girl responded. "You're here with Lucy from Vibe Magazine and a couple hundred thousand of our readers. How are you doing today?"

"Great thanks…"

"That's just great. Well we have a little list here," Lucy reached for a thick stack of papers and rolled her eyes good naturedly, "of questions from our readers. Let's get to it."

Jude had never enjoyed interviews. It was the repetition. The way each interview was essentially the same; same questions, different phrasing. The only thing that varied was the degree of annoyance she would get from the interviewer.

The first few questions were easy. What inspired her to start in the music industry, what were the early years like, who was her biggest inspiration and then they started getting a little stranger.

There was CindyLu99 who wanted to know about the Demi Lovato fued and who really did throw the first punch.

LuvtoluvJude wanted to know who Jude really wrote 'Not so secret love' about, adding her personal theory was Justin Bieber.

LoveMatt said Matt was so hot and did Jude have a crush on him too?

Alexz21 wanted to know if the rumors were true about she and Tommy's divorce.

Jude stumbled through the questions; going to levels of vague she hadn't known existed. Slowly the sparkle in Lucy's eyes began to die. When they reached the final question not a sparkle of energy was left. Lucy wished her the best and signed off. Jude was left with a blank screen. She closed her eyes tightly, dreading the fall out.

Once again the house began to vibrate with phone calls.

I | |

Jude spent the next hour in front of the computer. Eventually she turned off or unplugged all the phones and turned the radio up loud. She broke her most significant rule and began to surf fansites dedicated to her. What she read horrified her.

The biographies were vague, skirting over the major details like album release dates, awards won, tour sales etc. There were mentions of controversies and feuds with other celebrities, careless things said in interviews that led to wars with PETA and more.

She felt nauseous as she watched her two latest music videos, one of which featured her in a skimpy bikini in a Laundromat. Eventually the washing machines overflowed and the video ended with her writhing in bubbles on the floor. She couldn't discern any particular story in the next video which seemed to be set on another planet. Tommy's space prostitutes comment during the second season of Instant Star came to mind as she stopped the video one minute in.

Then there was the endorsement deal with a major cosmetics company. At a glance it didn't seem so bad. A little reading brought to light the fact that the company blatantly tested on animals, had a reputation of poor standards for employees and sweat shop conditions in the impoverished country it was manufactured in. But there was also the fact that a tube of the lipstick had made Jude's lips swell to three times their normal size when she was fourteen earning her the nickname 'Jude Jolie'. Why would she endorse something she personally despised?

Finally she perused a fansites' Coppermine gallery. Images of a garishly made up pop star posing on the red carpet flashed across the screen. The photo shoot section revealed more images much like her music videos.

When had she turned into Dirrty era Christina Aguilera?

She was Jude Harrison; the girl next door with a guitar and a story to tell. She'd always called the rest of it crap. Why was she now buried so deep in it she couldn't find anything that resembled the girl she'd started out as?

Suddenly she jumped from the computer and began groping around behind it. When she found the power cord and with a guttural cry tugged it from the wall. The computer died with a whirring sigh and the room darkened without its flickering light.

Jude stared at the cord in her hand, heard the pounding beat of her heart and willed her breathing to return to normal.

"Tommy," she murmured under her breath, letting the cord slip from her hand.

That was it. He would make it all make sense. She couldn't be truly lost when she still had him. They'd gotten through everything else together. This was no different. If she just found Tommy it would all be okay. It would all make sense. It had to.

**Teasers for Part 4**

Suddenly the energy on the set changed. It was like a subtle wave of static energy rolling up her arms and tickling her ears - something familiar in a world so foreign. She turned away from the stage to see Tommy walking into the room. He didn't notice her as he stopped to discuss something with a camera man. That familiar frown of concentration played across his forehead as he motioned to the stage and spoke. The cameraman nodded and walked away. Tommy stayed where he was, his fist pressed to his chin as he watched the rehearsal.

"Lets pretend I'm seventeen."

"What?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Special thanks to **XoXo for their nice comment. It really encouraged me when I needed it.

**Part 4**

Jude sat behind the wheel the wheel of the bright pink, brand new sports car she'd found in the garage. It didn't look like something Tommy would ever be caught dead in so it must be hers. And yet she couldn't for the life of her figure out how to start it.

"I feel like I'm in an episode of Star Trek," she muttered to herself. "Where on earth is the ignition?"

Drumming her fingers against the wheel she closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. "Please, pretty, pretty car would you just magically start working?" She waited. "Nothing? Please!" She slammed her hand against the steering wheel. "Stupid car! Turn on!"

The engine roared to life and the dashboard lit up.

"Oh." She smiled. "Thank-you."

An ipod was docked in the stereo next to her and she quickly browsed through the playlists, finding very little that was familiar. She finally settled on the album with the most interesting cover, a simple + symbol. "Okay Ed Sheeran, show me what you've got." She said as she clicked play.

She carefully reversed out of the garage and out onto the street. For all she knew hover boards and invisibility paint were now a possibility. Who knew what new complications there were for the average driver?

She'd driven for a block before she allowed herself to stop and consider the fact that she had no idea how to locate Tommy. She drove for a few more blocks, stopped to get an ice cream from a drive through then paused in the car park to examine her GPS. Quickly she located a memory list and a number of frequently visited locations. Tommy's comments about her lack of interest in her career came to mind and she instead opted for the lesser visited locations then eliminated any suburban locations. A few games of inny minny monny moe and she chose a location. It proved to be a radio station. She chose another; a photo studio. Another location was an expensive boutique. The fourth location was a motel. She chose not to think too closely about that. Finally the fifth location was a TV studio. She drove to the gate and flashed her ID to the guard.

I | |

Jude stood at the edge of the set nervously. Around her was a sea of chaos. Intense looking people dressed in black milled about with clipboards, barking orders into cell phones and walkie talkies. Booms swung and cameras wheeled by on tracks she hadn't even noticed. An intern flashed a wary look her way as she walked by with a tray of coffee and a man with a British accent that reminded her far too much of Liam asked Jude if she could 'just stand over here please, love."

Jude wrapped her arms around her chest, feeling her good posture dissolving into slumped shoulders. She felt like a kid on the first day at a new school; completely out of her depth.

On the stage before her an attractive young couple sat on a bed in a room clearly made up to be a teens. An open window was behind them, a hidden fan causing the curtains to ripple with a fake evening breeze. They were rehearsing a scene that involved them making out until a knock sounded at the door. A mad rush ensued as they struggled to find an adequate hiding place for the boy.

Jude smiled at the antics which involved the mattress sliding off the bed, a lamp being knocked over and the boy eventually hiding behind a curtain, his white sneakers clearly sticking out from underneath it.

Suddenly the energy on the set changed. It was like a subtle wave of static energy rolling up her arms and tickling her ears - something familiar in a world so foreign. She turned away from the stage to see Tommy walking into the room. He didn't notice her as he stopped to discuss something with a camera man. That familiar frown of concentration played across his forehead as he motioned to the stage and spoke. The cameraman nodded and walked away. Tommy stayed where he was, his fist pressed to his chin as he watched the rehearsal.

Jude straightened up, squared her shoulders and exhaled. She was about to cross the room when the wary intern from a few moments earlier crossed over to Tommy. She smiled, tipping her head to the side in a flirtatious manner as she handed him the coffee. He took it, thanked her briefly then returned his attention to the stage. Not to be put off the girl flipped her ear and tapped his arm. He glanced at her, nodding his head in response to what she said but his attention still clearly belonged to the stage. Eventually the girl pouted and turned away.

Jude found herself chewing on her bottom lip as she watched the scene play in front of her. Something akin to guilt was weighing down her stomach and she wondered if there was some way her older body knew and remembered things she herself was currently clueless about.

For a brief moment she contemplated leaving, just slowly stepping back into the shadows then rushing back to her car. She could go to a park, throw bread to some ducks and pretend for a moment that this new bizarreness wasn't her life. Then he looked in her direction.

There was a moment of disbelief, that sudden second glance and a widening of his eyes. They gazed at each other across the room as the wave of humanity milled around them.

Finally he waved away a crew member who was approaching him and crossed the room to Jude. She couldn't help but notice the way the crowd just parted for him. It was as if he were gliding to her like a camera on one of those tracks. Only the set of his shoulders and the way his body was partially angled away from her told her he wasn't amused.

"Jude. What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I came to see you." She paused for a moment, hands clasped in front of her. Almost of it's own accord her body tipped forward as she wrapped her arms around him. "I missed you."

He stiffened and attempted to pull away from her. "Jude, I-"

She gripped him tighter and whispered into his hear. "I'm hugging you. Deal with it."

While he didn't return the hug he didn't try to pull away again. When Jude finally did she had to tilt her head to catch his line of gaze. His eyes kept darting away from her, landing on imaginary spots on the wall then flittering to something else.

"I've made time for lunch." She declared, spreading her arms out like a game show host.

Tommy ran a hand through his hair and nodded. "That's great," he said in a tone that implied anything but.

I | |

The diner was quaint. Jude liked it, it was familiar though she'd never been there and right now familiar was something she craved.

The man across from her was such a strange mix of familiar and foreign she almost felt as if she were a little seasick. Like she was constantly trying to regain her footing on a rocking deck, trying to figure out where she stood with him, on what she could stand, to begin to figure things out.

Tommy forced a smile that was more of a grimace as he tapped his hands against the tabletop. "So to what do we owe this unexpected…" he paused, "pleasure."

Jude shrugged. "I missed you."

"We see each other every day."

Her gaze felt to the shiny tabletop before her. "You slept in another room."

"That's not new."

"So that's why I miss you. I-"

"Jude!" There was just so much in his tone: a warning, frustration, confusion, a touch of longing.

She felt the seasickness boiling.

"I feel like we don't really talk anymore."

His eyebrows rose as he nodded. "I feel you're right."

"Well I'd like to."

He spread his hands palm up in front of him. "Then do."

"Tommy," she sighed, "it's not that simple."

"No? Why not Jude? If you're trying to blame this on me I'm really not in the mood."

She reached across the table and placed her hand on his arm. He instantly pulled away. "I wasn't. Really, I wasn't. I just don't know where to begin. It's hard Tommy but I'm trying."

He muttered something to himself that sounded like 'very trying' but they were interrupted by the arrival of the waitress to take their orders. Jude hadn't even glanced at her menu so she opened it and ordered the first thing she saw. Tommy did the same.

He seemed a little softer as their attention returned to one another. His shoulders slumped slightly as he leaned forward and braced an elbow on the counter. "Then how do I help?"

She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment then blurted out "Lets pretend I'm seventeen."

"What?"

"Just for a day. Let's rewind and act like we did when we were younger. Kind of a couples counseling roleplay thing where we introduce our past selves to our current selves."

Tommy sighed. "Jude, I'm not really in the mood."

"Come on." She reached for his hand, not missing the way he flinched as they touched. "It could be fun. Lets say I'm just about to release my second album, I'm just finishing the club tour. Catch me up."

Tommy looked away and raked his other hand through his hair. "Fine." He pulled his hand away from her. "What do you want to know?"

Faced with the question Jude's mine went blank. The sea of questions whirled around her mind, overlapping and intermingling until they became a blur of letters and question marks.

"Tell me about our engagement."

He visibly recoiled at the question. "Can we discuss something else?"

"Ok." She could feel herself growing frustrated. "Play biographer. Tell me about my career since seventeen."

"Are you just looking for an ego stroking Jude?"

Determined to not be put off anymore then she already had she tilted her head to the side and asked;"Are you going to play the game or not Tommy?"

Sighing, he closed his eyes and began reeling off the stats. "Your second album went to #1. First and second singles performed well but the third single 'Play Me', the R&B track you hated that Darius insisted you record went through the roof. You were pushed into a more commercial image and sound after that."

He finally opened his eyes and looked at her somewhat reprovingly. "At first you put up a fight but gradually you gave in. We worked together less after that. It was around the time we started dating and we acted as if that was the reason. It wasn't."

Jude nodded. "And you left the music industry."

"Not right away but eventually."

"Was I the reason?"

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "You know you never asked me that before. We never even discussed it."

"Maybe 17-year-old me is bolder."

"Or more sensitive."

"Smarter?"

He smiled. "Vainer?"

"I don't think that's a word. She was probably prettier."

He shook his head and turned his gaze to the window. "No, you definitely grew into your looks."

Jude felt her heart flutter. "Thanks."

They were silent for a moment before she asked. "Are you trying to distract me with flattery?"

"Hmmm?"

"You still haven't answered my question."

For a moment she thought he was ignoring her. The waitress ambled past and asked if they needed anything, a kid in the corner began to cry and outside a police siren wailed. Finally Tommy answered.

"I didn't like the way I'd started to bury myself in my work. I was blinding myself to the things I didn't like about my life. Then Jimmy…" his voice cracked slightly and he was silent for a moment. "I realized I was missing out on the important things and I started to hate myself for it, to blame myself." He shrugged; the motion big and deflecting. "So I changed jobs."

Suddenly Jude's game didn't seem like such a great idea after all. She could tell the conversation had gone somewhere new for future her and Tommy and she had no idea how to respond or what it all meant. She knew better then to ask who Jimmy was. Instinct screamed it would be insensitive inside the walls of their 'game'.

"Oh," she fiddled with her napkin, bunching the fabric up and squeezing her fist tight around it. "That's…" she sighed, unsure of her words, unsure of herself. "Admirable."

She decided not to try to the read the strange expression on his face. A moment later the waitress arrived with their food and they fell into a comfortable routing of tucking in napkins and adding salt and pepper.

"Do you have band rehearsal tonight?" Tommy asked, his words clipped and tight.

"Um, I think so. I've kind of lost track of my schedule."

"Will the whole band be there?"

Jude suddenly caught onto the reason behind his tone; the questionable relationship with her band mate. "Probably. I don't know. I'd rather skip it."

"Your hometown show is this weekend. It's your world tour Jude."

"I don't think I can do it." She blurted out.

He seemed surprised and for a moment she saw a glimmer of the old Tommy, ready to pounce on any musical problem, willing to work through the night if that was what it would take to solve it. "You've got to."

"But I don't think I can."

He paused for a moment, obviously mulling over her words. Finally shrugged, "One day at a time right? Just face it one step at a time. It's the best way to get through the things we don't think we can face."

She nodded and took a sip of her water.

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Today was a step… I hope. With us."

At her words his eyes slowly drifted to meet hers. He tilted his head in the smallest of nods. "Okay."

I | |

Jude arrived home at the house she shared with Tommy after her evening rehearsal with the band. She'd spent an hour after her lunch with Tommy, listening to her recent music and doing her best to learn it. Thankfully it had been mostly predictable pop, the kind of song you knew the lyrics to after listening once.

Thankfully there was one song that had captured her heart and made her feel there was some small hope for her future self. 'Can't Forget' was the bonus track and not listed as part of her set for her concert. When she'd suggested rehearsing it with the band they'd looked at her as if she'd suddenly grown a tail and suggested they all play skip rope with it.

Now she was back in this home that really didn't feel like a home. It wasn't just that it was so unfamiliar. There was an emptiness to the space with it's perfect decor. She'd never liked interior design, the way everything in a room matched and looked so planned out. Life wasn't like that, why should a house be? She liked a little chaos, the little slices of her life all jammed together, clamoring for her attention as they clashed and sung together in a chorus of colors. She couldn't see anything in this space that screamed 'Jude', or 'Tommy' for that matter.

She turned on the radio and flicked through to a Top 40 station. She hummed along as she poured herself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the island in the kitchen to eat it.

A few moments later the front door swung open and Tommy walked into the room. He shrugged off his jacket and threw it over a chair, nodding a quick greeting to her as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and gazed down at it's screen.

"How was your day?" Jude asked.

"Fine." He ran his finger down the phone's screen, scrolling through page after page before remembering his manners. "How was yours?" he asked without looking up.

"After lunch it was pretty so so. The one real highlight of my day is Ed Sheeran." Jude motioned to the radio which had begun playing one of his songs. "Seriously, have you heard this guy? He's awesome! I need to do a duet with him."

Tommy's eyebrows rose in amusement. "Really? You said he was a pompous snob with bad hair and equally bad breath. I think you said at least half of that to his face."

Jude frowned. "When did I meet him?"

"British Music Awards last year."

"Oh."

"Probably wasn't his fault. You've been pretty hard on the Brits since your year in London."

"Oh yeah," Jude nodded, "my time in London, of course."

Sighing she returned to her cereal, watching with little enthusiasm as Tommy dialed a number on his phone and brought it to his ear, strolling from the room as he did so.

Just as she felt she was starting to catch up something would come along and remind her just how much of a fish out of water she was.

**Teasers for Part 5**

He nodded, as his lips curled into an ugly smirk. "Yeah," he reached forward and tugged on a strand of hair, pulling her face closer as her entire body pulled back. "But I want you." He shrugged, "one way or another."

Tommy crossed his arms and leaned back against the door to the closet, tilting his head to the side as he gazed at her. "I really don't know what's gotten into you."


End file.
